For disgraceful lovers or What hope means? (Pity's jazz)

Hoping and waiting

for you to break my heart.

There will be one sad and cold day

that i will lay in the couch

totally damaged inside,

because of some hurtful true that

you

throw into my face,

i will be shedding not just tears

(so if I can do it, because now i can't)

but also all good things that i could probably

feel starting by the day you definitely enter in my life.

One of the reasons of my drowning will be

(I am pretty sure about the others, also you'll know)

the heavy burden of the truths about my very own afflicted being that you spell over my fragile and wounded flesh.

You will be right, i will be not able to disagree, that i'm addicted to melancholy and pessimistic thoughts about love, life and future, that all of this have the potential to destroy any expectations of a decent and not so tragic existence for us or even for me - in case you not care about me and if i'm away of your life.

I really don't know what i'm talking about, i'm just filling the silence with some words that could probably really mean something to you - or me or whoever wants to understand what this fucked up mind represents.

Hoping and waiting for you

to break my heart

after the hard speech about how i'm destroying everything near our galaxy.

My black hole is consuming our oxygen and all that we have built yesterday and before, this need to stop!, you'll say.

Hoping and waiting for

you

to watch me sleep,

desireing to put a knife in my throath and give a finale to my life,

but you'll be too terrified to do such a great act for the humanity,

because you'll know at some point before our colapse that i'm your yang for your yin,

because you'll need me as much as i'll need you.

Even tough we are

in a sacred way to think

too bad for each other.

Hoping and waiting for you to enter in the room

where i lay crying

and wake me up

saying that you will not sorry for all those words you had thrown at my face,

but you'll say that you'll stay with me on condition that i agree to have my heart broken once in a while because we both know that this is life: broken, disgraceful, tearful and all the things that will make we insist on us.

I hope to meet you

as soon as i excpect and wait to you to feel the same,

but, as we all know,

there is not a way to predict exactly when this colision will happen.

We only can continue to collide in other lovers and

let them wreck us 

and just so find ourselves in some 

deep blue sea

and maybe

(just maybe)

find some strength to emerge 

together

to some warm and hopeful beach

with some love and hapinnes etc

for us to enjoy

until

the storm come and

bring us down over and over again.