Another one about me delusioning

Ive know fucking idea what is going with what the hell i want or who the hell i know
Even if i already knew i dont have not a clue bout how to get it how to get out of this disgraceful fuckin hole of emptyness and desparate dreams
I maybe am one of those henry millers characters looking for booze and boobs but isntead of alcohol and sex i wander for mental health and confort or maybe im just the reencarnation of raskolnikov leaving myself die because some emotional remorse after some crime that i dont know exactly wich one or the cocroach of paixao segundo gh waiting for the woman that will crush my body in a door or gregor samsa trapped in a insects being without no fucki idea whats goin on
I took a long time to realize that my head was and still is wrecking constantly even thought nothing is happening nowadays. nothing but the wrecking
I get out of my claustrophobic room and go to places to be alone with a crowd that i dont know or even want to talk just to feel the presence the life flowing trough
A fuck could make me better but nobody gives a single one and i think my head is too spoiled to get better just with me touching a body and feeling it with all my senses and hearing oh yes right there yeah fuc me
I dont need compassion for my lost soul maybe just passion
When i talk to someone that ive known for a long time i feel untranslatble so imagine when i try to talk to someone new someone thats crossing my rail i rather do not talk because what i say from the bottom of my sincerity its not understood nobody comprehends what i talk and they feel that im a crazy delusional weirdo not that im not that a sociopath oh i tottaly am but i just wanted the people have the interest in talk about everything even though sometimes some egocentric monologues escape from my eyes i know im trouble i know i know i will never be fully understood or filled but i just want you not just you you all to try to be by my side without unnecessary damages but well lets be honest with each other sometime the heart mine or yours will break someone like it or not and there is no fu shit we can do about this tragedy called life
Im tired of people telling me this withou saying a single word
f you
I keep losting myself and i dont think ill ever find my whole structure with all the original pieces im just a great wall of scraps that i recovered or newones i find somewhere in the past
For those who are not so far and still can see me dont try to repair me it would be a waste of time just stay and hold on its just a phase that comes and go
For those who are emotional sadists don't lose the next episode
oh i just one more thing

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